A tale of two bodies and other unrelated stuff
by jinglejoe007
Summary: Armarnt and Zidane switch bodies, features other FF characters


A Tale of two bodies  
  
A happy day (sort of) in the town of Lindblum. People were milling in the streets, Moogles were dancing on rooftops, and a gang of evil, demented Chocobos were ripping Regent Cid's wife to very tiny pieces.  
  
Armarent, Princess Garnet, aka Dagger, and her boyfriend Zidane Tribal were watching with both amusement and disgust.  
  
Zidane: " As much as I didn't like Hilda, this is just too . WONDERFULLY PERFECT! Dagger: " You big jerk! Hilda is being ripped to shreds by incredibly rare Gold Chocobos and you're there celebrating! Armarent: " Bastard. Zidane: " Sheesh, it's not like she was a main character or anything in the game. AHHHH! Armarent: " what are you so girlishly screaming about, you mon-OUCH! Hilda's pecked up head had been sent from the chocobos and whacked Armarent in the head. Zidane and Dagger: " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! A giant scoreboard pops up. On it were the words Zidane and Armarent. Vivi walks up and writes a one next to Zidanes name, then trips an falls off the board, screaming. Zidane: (stares blankly at Armarent, not noticing Vivi's mishap.) Dagger: " Armarent! Are you okay?" Armarent: " (Scrubbing himself with a brillo pad, attempting to remove the remains of Hilda's head off of his.) I hate you Zidane! I know that their Ringleader is your chocobo, monkey ass!" Zidane: " Really lame, monobrow!" Armarant: I have two eyebrows you dumb blonde. Vivi, in an wheelchair, goes up to the scoreboard and puts a one next to Armarant's name, He laugh's triumphantly until a moogle pushes his wheelchair off the board, and then shoots himself. Zidane runs off, being chased by a screaming Armarent who was yelling how this story makes no sense and that it's all Zidane's fault. Dagger sighs and walks off to the beauty parlor.  
  
  
  
In Lindblum castle.  
  
Zidane and Armarant run into a black haired Chinese guy standing out in the middle of the sitting room. Weird guy: " Awohaha! I make you different!" He pulled out a potion and poured over our bemused heroes. There was a flash and then Zidane and Armarent both blinked and shook their heads. Zidane: (in Armarant's voice) "Stupid Chinese dude!" Armarant: (In Zidane's horribly annoying whining voice) Yeah! Ummm. what he said." Armarent and Zidane look at each other in disbelief. Both: I'm you?! You're me?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Weird guy: Body switching? Something wrong. Should be buffalo. Body switch. He walks off, muttering until he walks out a window an plummets to his grisly death. Armarant/Zidane: " Oh no! He's just died. I'm stuck as you! And now I'm ugly as Sin!" Maester Seymour walks by laughing maniacally. Zidane/ Armarant: " You're an idiot. Armarant/Zidane: " Ha, now you're insulting yourself, since I'm in your body. And I'm going to make your life miserable! HA HA HA! Armarant/Zidane runs off laughing, Zidane/Armarant runs after screaming threats and being laughed at maniacally by Armarant/ Zidane.  
  
  
  
Outside, on a country road.  
  
A cart bearing Vivi (who's in a full body cast and an electric wheelchair) Eiko, Freya, and Steiner was gallivanting about on a rainbow road, bearing messages of love, peace, and free drugs and alcohol. Eiko was secretly downing her fifth vodka, while Freya was puffing a joint. Steiner was pucking over the side at the end of an acid rush. And Vivi was incapacitated, being fed remedies through a straw. The cart stopped at the sight of Armarant and Zidane standing in front of it, panting. Zidane: (in Armarant's voice) Grrrrrr! I'll get me mallet, then we'll see whose laughing. Armarant: ( in Zidanes voice) " Oh, I'm so scared you handsome butt- muncher!" Vivi pulled out a small scoreboard and put a two next to Zidane's name. Armarant: "Oh yeah I rock, you stupid idiot." Zidane: ( facing the cart) You'll never guess what happened to him and me. Freya: " let me guess. A strange guy with a funny laugh poured a potion on you and switched bodies with you. Zidane/Armarant: " Damm you, you stupid rat! I'll beat the crap outta you! After beating up Zidane/Armarant Freya would have said more, but suddenly a large red ship landed next to their cart, the word Ragnorak painted on the side. A hatch opened and a young girl with hair in upward curls wearing a one-piece yellow out fit. Selphie: " Booyaka! Hiya, my name's Selphie and this" she said holding up a towel. " is my towel. Armarant/ Zidane looked at her and raised an eyebrow. Strangely enough they could hear the Beetles hit "A Magical Mystery Tour" playing in the background. A man in a cowboy outfit and wearing a leather coat walked down beside Selphie Irvine: I'm Irvine Kinneas; this is my fiancée, Selphie, and her pet towel George Winston III. George Winston III: ".. Selphie: Hey, hey, hey dudes! We heared that somebody here had a body switchin' incident, and other then laughing at you very cynically, we thought we could help. for a price. Armarant/Zidane: Hey all right! I can get out of your butt ugly body! Hooray! Zidane/Armarant: How do we know we can trust you, huh? For all we know you could be a horrible monster. Selphie: Listen you square, I'm way too happily happy-like cute to be a horrible monster! Author: Yes, I know I'm bashing Selphie, but well I don't care what you think. She's stupid and she can't sing. Freya: " Wheeeeee." Steiner: " I will do what I can to aid Zidane and Armarant in their endeavor. I say we sing a German song of traveling before we leave. All: NO! Steiner: "you uncultured bastards!" Vivi: (muffled) " Lame!" Ed: HUHHAHA! Butter toast!" Irvine: " Where'd you come from? Ed: " One plus one equals one on a bun! Ed then walks away, laughing. Irvine: " (talks like Dr. Evil) Riiiiiiiight. Anyway, come aboard and we'll explain.  
  
  
  
The Ragnorak  
  
Every one walks, or wheels, their way onto the ship and look around in awe. Armarant/Zidane: It's smaller then the Invincible, but for it's size it's not bad. Freya: "Ha ha. Pretty lights. The walls were painted pink, with smiley faces painted on the walls, and hippy music playing over the intercom. A blonde lady wearing an orange outfit came around the hall. Quistis: "Who are these punks. That one's butt ugly, with way too much hair. And the other one's a monkey boy who looks like an idiot. And they're both horribly tiny. Zidane/Armarant: "Yeah, well at least I'm not a blonde slut like you. Vivi pulled out his score board and put a two next to Armarant's name. Irvine walked into the ship, but tripped. His gun hit the ground going off and shooting Vivi into a power generator, electrocuting him. Selphie: " I'm gonna go see the temporary captain. Steiner: " Temporary captain?" Selphie: " Er. yeah. Ya see, Squall and Rinoa locked themselves in their room six and one-half hours ago. They haven't come out and we got a new temporary captain due to an accident with a time machine and a piece of fifteen-year old fruit cake. She led everyone to the bridge and standing in the middle was. Jean Luke Picard. Picard: Greetings. Selphie, pilot the Ragnorak and take us off. Quistis, I'll give you 200 for a job. Zidane/Armarant: "I knew she was a slut!" Picard: Shut up you pecker heads! I'll smash you! Spock: " Sir, they'll kick your bald butt, you sad excuse for an actor!"  
  
  
  
Authors note: Yeah, this is weird, I know. But I'm going to keep this up anyway. Stay tuned for more disgusting weirdness, Kefka, and a way to annoy every FFX fan in the world. Seeya. 


End file.
